The Platypus Doofinator
by 805headache
Summary: Doof's inator goes a little haywire in the process of building it. Not only is Norm human, but he and Vanessa are children. Vanessa is independent but Norm wants his mom, aka Perry the Platypus.
Dis: I don't own this; I just thought it would make an interesting story.

It is three o'clock in the morning and Doof is hard at work. He hasn't gone to sleep, building something rather small for his tastes. Norm had constantly been pestering him, asking if he was too tired or needed a bath. Time and time again, Doof had yelled at Norm and sent him away. Doof had been stripping an old -inator for parts when Norm had come in contact with a possibly radioactive ray. After a blinding light and several impatient minutes, a young child had awakened. The boy is wearing a dark blue hoodie and matching pants. He has soft brown hair similar to Doof's and is quite young.

"Hello, there. How old are you?"

The kid rolls his eyes. "I'm six, Dad."

"I'm not your father." He answers in a huff.

"Are too." The kid sticks his tongue out before getting easily distracted by something in a nearby open toolbox. "What's this?"

"A monkey wrench."

The boy throws it in the air, not noticing it strike the -inator. The machine hits a dental care billboard and the teeth become real, falling off the building. The kid is already fixated on something else. After only five minutes of this, Doof is twitching. He dials a familiar number.

"Who is calling me at"

"Franny, get Perry over here!" Doof wails on the other end.

"Heinz?" The major is sleepy and surprised. "What do you want?"

"Get Perry over Here! Now!"

Doof screams before chasing after the little boy. He hadn't hung up, so Monogram is sitting on his bed trying to listen out whatever is happening. He can make out several crashes, angry mumbling and child-like squeals. Monogram finally hangs up and gets Perry online through his wrist communicator.

"Agent P! You are needed at Doof's pronto."

Perry glances up to an alarm clock then quietly chitters at his boss.

"I know it's really early and dark out, but there is something seriously wrong at Doof's and I need you to put a stop to it."

Perry yawns then slaps himself in the face. He wanders down the hall and takes an entrance behind one of Lawrence's paintings stacked against the wall. He rides down a pipe to his hover car and rides to the oddly-shaped building downtown.

[Doofenshmirtz Evil In - (record scratches, jingle singers groan)]

Perry carefully lands, looking around. Things are trashed left and right. There is a heap of who Perry assumes to be the Evil Jingle singers, lying mangled in corner. Perry quietly tiptoes, only to have the lanky scientist fly into him.

"Thank goodness you're here, Perry the Platypus!" He smiles, out of breath. "You're the mother in this relationship."

As Doof runs to another side of his suite, Perry only stares back. He is very confused, lowly chattering. A very young boy familiarly dressed bounces into him, tackling him with a hug.

"Mama, you came!"

Perry raises an eyebrow at this. He points to an object in the kid's hand.

"This? Daddy spent all night making it for you. Isn't it a pretty necklace?"

Doof is out of his hiding place now. He wanders over, unable to keep the smile off his face. Perry is cradling a young boy who happens to think the platypus is his mother.

"Mama?" The child asks with tear in his eyes. "Don't you like it? Why aren't you wearing it?"

Even though Doof had never agreed he was the robot's father, seeing this young child with tears in his eyes is enough to make him sad. Perry looks over to the scientist and is shocked. He hesitantly takes the necklace and struggles with getting it over his head.

"There's a clasp, Mama. Can I help?"

Doof can't help but smile again, a soft, warm smile. Perry nods and the young boy reaches around, adjusting the pretty, flashy necklace onto his mom. The child accidentally presses a button labeled self-destruct and it starts counting down.

"5. 4. 3."

"Mama! Daddy! What's happ'n?" The boy cowers.

"2. 1. Have a nice day."

No explosion. Doof is staring at Perry with expectant eyes. "Did it work?"

"Did what work?" Perry asks in a voice similar to Doof's, only with an Australian accent instead of Gimmelshtoompian.

"Wow! The necklace makes Mama talk!" The boy claps his hands in glee.

"Uh, yeah, apparently. Doof?"

"Yeah, just a sec."

Doof takes the boy, leading him to Vanessa's room. A lot of her things have been vacated while they are having a fight, so most of the things in there are from her childhood. Doof locks the window and locks the door, telling his 'son' he needs to stay in there for a little while and he's not in trouble.

"You have a kid?" Perry isn't sure how to ask this. "Aside from Vanessa? And why does he think I'm the mom?"

"Yeah." Doof rubs the back of his neck. "You know him as Norm."

"As in, your robot Norm?"

"Yeah, he got hit by something last night when I was building you that."

"You built me an animal translator? Inator?"

"Platypus Doonfinator." He corrects him. "No need for that vague -inator."

"What the-?"

"A platypus wears it, but only a Doofenshmirtz can understand you. This means me, Vanessa and Norm. And maybe Charlene. The others just see a pretty necklace."

"But. why?"

"The batteries don't last too long." He says instead, ignoring the last comment. "You can hang out here while they last in case you're suspicious. Then, when the batteries die out, you can go stay with your host family. Sound like a plan? Norm and Vanessa already think of you as their mother anyway."

"Vanessa?"

"Yes. I recall once she said we were her dysfunctional family. A younger brother who happens to be robot and a maniacal dad who replaced a terrible cook with a skillful platypus."

"Skillful?" Perry smiles. "Replaced?"

"Even I have to admit to myself, I like hanging out with you a lot more than I like spending time with Charlene."

"Um, okay."

"Okay? So, you'll stay? You'll be the mother of my children? Yahoo!"

Perry stares wide-eyed as Doof runs into his room for some reason. The platypus is entirely confused as he walks to the couch and just sits back and thinks.

Yeah, um, review? 


End file.
